Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
