So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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