He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
