Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize