i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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