I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
