is your mom at the bar?
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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