man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
