Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
