So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Ketchup is God's man juice
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
