i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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