I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
