Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
