Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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