yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
