I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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