She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
