Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
