I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
