Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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