I'm gonna have a badass scar
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
