are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
