I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
