im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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