Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
