I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
