If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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