Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
