pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
