so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
