whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
