dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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