so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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