no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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