Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Randomize
