Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
