If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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