i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
