my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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