Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
