If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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