We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
