my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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