I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
