I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
