After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
