this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Mom said you looked used
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
