Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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