I want to stick my p in your. b.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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