just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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