It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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