hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Randomize
