i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
