can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize