I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
