So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
