We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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