I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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