I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
