i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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