What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
