I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
