I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
