For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
