just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
That was an excessively violent trivia night
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
