Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
