Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
