I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
