she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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