Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
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