You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
